i already hear my dad disowning me
the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
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