How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
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