Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
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