he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
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