oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Randomize
