I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
Randomize
