yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
Randomize
