Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
of course. lets lasso hookers.
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
Randomize
