she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
