I must be too annoying 4 u.
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
Randomize
