my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
Ryan Ross and Jon Walker left panic at the disco today.
I predict a mass suicide of the 14 year old girl population...
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
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