Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
Randomize
