i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
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