we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
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