So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
Randomize
