goodnight i made you a song goodbye
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
Randomize