you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
Randomize
