WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
Randomize
