Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
Randomize