FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
my poor anus
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
Randomize
