careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
Randomize
