Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
Randomize
