I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
Randomize
