You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Randomize
