can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
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