So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
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