so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
Randomize