hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
Randomize