guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
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