I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
Randomize
