yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
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