Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
Randomize
