in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
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