Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
Randomize