And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
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