i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
Randomize
