About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
Randomize
