3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
Randomize
