I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
