God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
Randomize
