When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
And then the night went full on bisexual.
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
Randomize
