There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
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