the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
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