I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
she looked like the before picture.
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
Randomize