Where are you?
In a non slutty way
he shaved USA in his pubs
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
Randomize
