i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
Randomize
