im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
Randomize
