you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
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