just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
God I need to hump something, right now.
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
Randomize
