Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
Randomize
