U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
Randomize
