Your dad touched me again.
Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
Randomize
