Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
Randomize
