Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize
