doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
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