I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
My feet surprised me
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