P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
Randomize
