I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
Randomize
