shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
Randomize