holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
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