I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
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