when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
