i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
I only see on penis in this picture but I assume there is another lurking out of sight.
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
Randomize
