Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
Randomize
