Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
Randomize
