Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
Randomize
