6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
Randomize
