So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
Randomize
