i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
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