she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
Randomize