Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
