dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
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