Yes, one should always join a cult. At least once.
The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize
