Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
Randomize
