You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
Randomize
