just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
She's like a pop up book from hell.
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
Randomize
